


A Darkened Holiday

by princelogical



Series: The Human!Sides College AU Verse [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Gen, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Mental Breakdown, Sanders Sides - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, i don't know how to tag, mentioned sexual harrasment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10831020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: Logan doesn't like Christmas; it's a stressful time of the year. This year doesn't look like it's going to be any easier with his parents on his back about a possible transfer, some moron who like to dress up as a prince, Patton's non-stop concern, Virgil's rotten luck, and what he feels to be an oncoming nervous breakdown.He doesn't know what to do and he hates not knowing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Tuesday, December 20 th 2016**

Logan wasn’t much for holidays, especially Christmas. He felt they were over-hyped marketing tools to get people to buy useless items they’d only break or lose a couple years later. It was a bit annoying, he thought to himself, to walk along the sidewalks of town witnessing such bustle and mindless rushing. It was quite trying, almost as if the stress of others was seeping onto him.

It wasn’t just the bustle of the Christmas season that put him off- it was that after Christmas break was over, his huge month-long humanities project was due to be presented to his class. He was attending a university held to a high esteem and he had worked continuously with all of his best efforts to get into it. The project was worth a major chunk of his final grade in his humanities class. The idea of failing it filled him with a terror so strong he couldn’t bear it.

He also hated the Christmas season, because unlike most of the student body, he wasn’t going home. His parents were absolutely unbearable at best. They made him feel even more stressed than he already was, telling him how disappointed they were that he hadn’t made it to Harvard, despite that he’d still managed to get into a pretty decent school. Besides, he didn’t need memories of his… less than ideal childhood coming up from staying at home.

At least he wasn’t entirely alone in staying on campus. His roommate, Patton was an orphan and didn’t have any family to attend the holidays with. Logan supposed the two would do lunch or something since Patton was a huge fan of the season and really wanted to do _something_.

He groaned as his cellphone from his messenger bag began to ring. He dug around until he pulled out the device and answered with a formal, “Hello?”

“Logan! Sweetheart, why haven’t you answered my calls?” the voice of his mother asked through the phone.

He cursed inwardly for answering in the first place. “I haven’t, mother. I’ve been occupied.”

“Not working too hard, are you?”

Logan instantly recognized the trick question. Saying no would trigger the typical response of, “Now, Logan; you’re paying good money for this college, you shouldn’t be wasting your time.” So instead, Logan replied. “When am I not?”

She laughed. “My hard-working son. It just would have been better,” Logan recited the words along with her, “if you’d only gotten into Harvard. You’ve considered transferring to a better school, right? After this semester and you get enough credits?”

“Yeah.”

“Why aren’t you coming home?” she asked. Ah, there it was. People were so predictable, a motive always in mind.

“I have a lot of projects I need to get done.”

“Oh, I understand.” She didn’t. “I love you, sweetheart.”

She didn’t.

“Okay, mom.” _Don’t say it back. You’re not lying, so long as you don’t say it_ back. “Bye.”

He hung up and let out a long and tired sigh as he shouldered his bag and continued to make his way to the small sandwich shop he typically attended for dinner. The atmosphere, however, was different than usual. The place was typically nearly empty, but then it was backed up down the sidewalk. People were shivering in their heavy jackets, but peeking over each others’ shoulders anxiously, as if desperate to see something.

Logan made his way through the crowd, despite the glares from some people. He cursed his shorter limbs as several times he tried to see over the crowd. Finally, he made it to the front where a boy in ridiculous attire- dressed as a _prince_ of all things, stood on a table, a real sword high in the air.

“-shall slay the evil dragon witch and you all shall be free from terror!”

“Sir, get down from there!” one of the waitresses said shakily. “Or I’m calling the police!”

The princely dressed boy met eyes with Logan then his eyes widened. “Brother!”

Logan tensed as the boy hopped down and made his way towards Logan, his sword swinging around him wildly. People screamed and much of the crowd dispersed, running in different directions. Logan stood still, face frozen in shock and the boy grasped him the shoulders tightly.

“Oh, have I missed you!”

“Get off,” Logan grumbled, shoving him away. “I don’t know you and you’re acting… foolishly.”

“Guide me to your castle!” the boy shouted. Logan winced again.

“Listen-”

“Now!”

 _Great. I’ve attracted a person with delusion that I’m his brother. Great,_ Logan thought.

“I’m calling the police,” the waitress mumbled, jogging away.

“Are we leaving?” the boy asked.

“Put your sword down,” Logan ordered. The boy blinked in confusion. “It’s frightened everyone.”

“Fine.” The boy sheathed the sword, which Logan assumed was better than nothing. “Now to your lodgings we go!”

“It’s illogical to just-” The boy reached for his sword again and Logan jumped backwards. “Okay, okay! Don’t- don’t pull out the sword again.”

“Onward!” the boy cried in excitement.

“Onward,” Logan mumbled, wondering what on earth he’d gotten himself into.

There weren’t many options Logan could think of and his quick mind was working on overtime. He could just… run, but that was a rash and quite stupid idea. The boy was disturbed, it was easy to see, suffering from severe delusions that could cause him to act violently. Logan wished for the absence of the ridiculous sword, but unfortunately, wishes were often illogical and unreachable.

He could lead the boy to the nearest police station, but Logan feared things ending violently. It really was the most logical solution, but… well, Logan had to admit it to himself; he was terrified.

“What do you go by?” Logan asked suddenly.

“Roman!” the boy cried. Logan winced again. Why did he have to be so loud?

“Where are you from?”

“A great land, far away!”

Logan sighed. So much for answers. “How about your parents? Who are they?”

“Why, they are your parents as well!”

“Right,” Logan grumbled, reaching the dormitories and pulling out his key. He hoped with all his might that Patton wasn’t in at the moment, but he likely was. Likely with the troubled kid he brought along often, Virgil. Logan and Virgil typically got along decently, even if he was quite… _extra_ , but he wasn’t sure how he would react to bringing in Roman. Who still had that stupid sword.

Logan just hoped they weren’t in.

Luckily, Roman’s ridiculous getup drew no negative attention, as it really wasn’t too unusual for students to dress up in strange attire, although Logan rejected that norm quite fiercely. He preferred his sophisticated dress of a dress shirt and tie.

One student even asked, “Wow, where did you get the clothes for this cosplay?”

“Fairy godmother!” he cried.

The student frowned. “Uhm...”

Logan yanked Roman forward before the student could ask any questions. “Stop that,” Logan hissed.

“Stop what?”

Logan grit his teeth and entered the elevator. “Once I show you my room, will you be satisfied and leave me alone?”

“But, we have much to catch up on brother!”

“Okay, see, that’s the thing! I am _not_ your brother!”

Roman rolled his eyes. “How dare you? What a disgraceful thing to say!”

“Listen, Roman, you’re thinking illogically. I am an only child. I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.”

The elevator dinged and the door slid open. Logan walked out and made his way down the hall. Roman rushed to catch up.

“Well, _obviously_ , we aren’t brothers by blood, but by love!”

Logan gagged. “ _Clearly_ you’ve mistaken me for someone else, because I don’t…” Logan grimaced. “I don’t bother with... _love_.”

He shoved his key in the knob to his room and sighed when he heard talking from within. That meant Patton was home and he’d brought Virgil.

“But love is-”

“Spare me,” Logan mumbled, pushing open the door.

Patton looked up from where he was perched on his bed with Virgil. “Hey, kiddo!”

Logan inwardly groaned. It didn’t matter who you were, how old you were or whatever factors came into play; from a young nervous freshman, to the many professors around him, Patton would call anyone kiddo.

“Brought friends?” he asked brightly.

Virgil was scowling at Roman and Logan had never related to such childish behaviour in his life.

“Who’s Princey over here?” Virgil asked, jerking his head toward Roman. Roman glared.

“I am a prince and I don’t appreciate your sarcasm!” Roman said over Patton’s gentle, “Be nice, Virgil.”

“Wait, do you have a sword?” Virgil asked, eyes wide. “Is that real?”

“Of course it’s real!” Roman said, sounding almost offended. He withdrew it and Virgil flinched backward, and Patton frowned.

“Sharp objects aren’t very safe,” Patton said.

“Hang on,” Logan mumbled, an odd feeling in his stomach. “May I see the sword, Roman?”

“Of course!” Roman said with a grin and handed it over.

“Where did you get this?” Logan asked, realization hitting him hard.

“I earned it!” Roman said. “From fighting a knight from a different land. I won, obviously. There are none who have beat me.”

Virgil snorted. “Egotistical much?”

Patton nudged Virgil then looked up to Logan. “What’s going on?”

Logan lowered the sword and glared at Roman. Patton was looking at Logan, incredibly concerned. “Are you okay, kiddo? You’re not working yourself into the ground again, are you?”

Maybe he was. Because for a minute there he was entertaining the idea of buying into Mr. Idiot’s delusions of all things until he could actually see the stupid sword up close. It was a good replica, he’d give it that. It looked real and _very_ old until you touched it yourself. Roman was still grinning then began laughing. “Oh wow, it worked! It actually worked.”

“What worked?” Virgil growled, just as Logan ground out, “This is a _stage prop_.”

Roman wiped a few tears from his eyes and took the sword away from Logan. “My social experiment AND method acting combo!”

“What?” Patton asked, confusion written across his face. “Huh?”

Roman patted Logan’s shoulder and Logan jerked it out of his reach. “It’s for the play we’re doing. I also have my humanities final soon. Figured I could use some data about people’s ability to believe things. So I took some props and costumes and-”

“Went around looking like an idiot,” Virgil finished. “Makes sense.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Logan spoke up. “You didn’t collect any valid data. Social experiments are flawed and provide many negative-”

“Oh, shush. It’ll work,” Roman said with a wink.

Now that he was thinking clearly, he remembered the play the theater kids would be putting on in a few weeks. He also remembered seeing Roman, the starring actor, in his humanities class.

“You’re not going to pass if you throw in a social experiment. You have to use-”

“Shhh,” Roman said, smirking. “I am off! See you later, Logical Disaster.”

It took Logan too many seconds to figure out that Roman was talking to him, before the idiot bowed dramatically and left the room.

“I’m still confused,” Patton said.

Virgil crossed his arms, grumbling, “What a moron.” He pulled the hood to his over-sized black hoodie over his head and leaned against the wall behind Patton’s bed, closing his eyes.

“Are you okay, Logan?” Patton asked. “You look stressed.”

“I am!” Logan cried. “I have work piling up, my projects to do and that… that...”

“Moron?” Virgil offered, opening an eye.

“Moron, yes; thank you, Virgil- comes in and makes _me_ look illogical and stupid!”

“Oh, c’mon, sport! You know you’re not stupid.”

Logan sat on his own bed and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I’m going to work for a bit then go to bed.”

“All right,” Patton said hesitantly. “But if you need anything… ask, okay?”

Logan gave a thumbs up then began pulling out several textbooks to start reading, 100% aware that while yes, he was going to work. But sleep?

He just didn’t have enough _time_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wednesday, December 21 st 2016**

Virgil didn’t leave throughout the night, which Logan found to be unnerving. Not the presence of another human being, but the presence of another awake human being. While Patton slept, Virgil had laid on the floor, staring, his gaze empty, up at the ceiling.

When the sun finally came up, Logan sighed and said, “That’s entirely unhealthy, you know.”

Virgil sat up and frowned. “What?”

“Sleep deprivation.”

“Okay, man,” Virgil said with a laugh. “Says the one who stayed up to witness me staying up.”

Logan huffed, hating the sound logic. “Do you have anything planned today?” he asked, after the silence had grown tense.

“Listen, you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to.”

“Fine,” Logan sighed.

Virgil unzipped his backpack and pulled out his laptop. The two fell into silence as Logan continued highlighting and scribbling down notes while Virgil silently stared blankly at the screen, which he had still not turned on.

Finally, Logan sighed. “Are you… okay?” He wasn’t good at this to say the least- the whole checking up on people thing. Patton was- he excelled in that area.

“Yep.”

“Is a blank screen interesting?”

Virgil sighed. “Fascinating.” Dry sarcasm. How could Logan expect anything else?

The two continued their ritual until Logan’s phone began ringing loudly. Virgil startled and flinched, as he typically did at loud noises. Patton sleepily began to wake. With a guilty sigh, Logan answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Son.”

 _Lovely_. First his mother and then his father. Perfect; exactly what he wasn’t in the mood for. “Yes?”

“Your mother and I were talking yesterday about your transfer.” Logan rolled his eyes. Of course they were. “We were thinking about your future. And we want you to know, we’re supporting you 100%.”

“Okay.”

“So we thought we’d help out with the financial aspect of it, since that isn’t your strong suit.”

It was an underhanded insult that Logan recognized immediately and it stung, because he always was good at managing finances. However, just not good enough for his parents.

“Okay.”

“Your mother and I think it’s best we transfer some money, so you can buy the textbooks for next semester. Get that off your plate. I know you don’t work well under stress.”

“Father, that was one time. I’ve improved at stress management.” Lies.

“Still. Your mother and I worry about you.” Even more lies.

“Okay.”

“I love you, son.” No he doesn’t.

“Okay. Bye.”

He hung up and sighed, noticing Patton looking at him expectantly. “Everything all right?”

“Yes.”

Patton looked disbelieving, but seemed to let it go. “How about the three of us do something fun? We can get breakfast and coffee. And we can invite your friend with the sword!” he said brightly.

Virgil looked ready to protest, but Logan beat him to it. “He’s not my friend.”

“We can still invite him! It doesn’t hurt to make him feel wanted.”

Somehow, those words made Logan’s chest squirm. Patton was effortlessly a kind person and always considerate of others’ feelings, while he wasn’t good at that sort, even coming off as cold and unfeeling sometimes.

“Look, I don’t even know the guy.”

“I don’t know him and already can tell he’s a moron,” Virgil said.

“Oh, you two,” Patton said fondly, a small smile on his lips. “We can pick him up from practice; I know the theater meets over break super early at the studio next door. Then we can eat and I’ll drop you kiddos off to work!”

“We’re not kiddos,” Virgil mumbled, but his tinted red cheeks and small smile said he didn’t really mind.

Logan stuck his hands up in defeat. “Whatever you want, Patton; you’re the one with the car.”

Patton grinned in victory and made off to get ready. A half hour later, the three had got into the car, Virgil calling shot gun, where he blasted My Chemical Romance so loudly, Logan could barely hear himself think.

“Everyone who hears us pass is going to assume we’re a bunch of obnoxious emos.”

“I don’t see how that’s a bad thing,” Virgil said as he carefully reapplied eyeliner in the mirror, smirking.

“All right, I’m gonna go in and invite… What was his name?”

“Roman,” Logan said.

“Roman! Stay put!” Patton slammed the door shut and made his way to the building, waving at a group of students walking by.

Virgil sighed. “That guy was a total tool. Why does Patton have to make us eat with him?”

“He’s just too nice.”

“Got that right,” Virgil said with a laugh. “Listen… could I ask you a question?” he asked. He had turned around in his seat and everything, looking quite serious.

“Go for it.”

“So, I obviously haven’t left for Christmas break. And uhm… my roommate’s kind of a jerk and he’s also staying. Patton told me I could stay over the rest of break, but I… I don’t want to be the kind of tool who just barges in without your permission and-”

“It’s perfectly fine,” Logan said. “As long as you don’t bother me, I don’t care.”

Virgil huffed out a small breath of relief. “Okay. Thanks, dude.”

“No problem.”

Virgil looked like he wanted to say something else, but the passenger door was yanked open and Virgil jumped in surprise, jerking half-way into the driver’s seat. “Move, Hot Topic. I want shotgun,” the loud ringing voice of Roman ordered.

Virgil glared and stormed out of the front seat. Logan sighed sadly. Virgil _had_ been in a decent mood.

“So, kiddos,” Patton began, sliding into the driver’s seat, “where are we going to eat?”

“Any place serving pancakes,” Roman suggested.

“I’m not actually very hungry-” Virgil began.

“Pancakes it is!” Patton said happily. “We’ll head to Pancake Haven.”

“So...” Virgil drawled. “ _Roman_. What makes you think you can have my seat?”

Roman looked up from where he was going through Patton’s music. “So I can choose music. Duh.” He kept scrolling. “My Chemical Romance? Evanescence? Who’s listening to this trash?”

Logan looked up in surprise as Virgil let out a literal growl from beside him. “ _Me_ , sir idiot. Now get your grubby hands off the playlist; you’re new here.”

“Which is why he should get to pick the music,” Patton said sternly. “C’mon, Virgil, lighten up.”

Virgil leaned back, crossing his arms. In the shadows of the backseat, he looked extremely exhausted, Logan noted. His bags looked worse than they had in a while and the dark eyeliner and eye shadow was not helping at all. Roman continued scrolling from the front seat until his face lit up and he tapped excitedly on the phone.

“Punching it doesn’t make it work any better,” Virgil grumbled.

After a few seconds of silence, music began playing. Logan didn’t recognize it, but he could tell from Virgil’s scowl that the younger boy could.

“Into the Woods? Are you _serious_?

“Serious? I’m dead serious! This is the best music in all the world!”

“Ugh! I’m stuck with a four year old!” Virgil cried.

“Now, slugger, place nice-” Patton began.

Roman effectively cut him off with loud and admittedly not too bad singing. “ _Why does she run from me? If I should lose her, how shall I regain the heart she has won from me?_ ”

Virgil looked like he was finding jumping out of the car windows to be a viable option. “This is so _lame_.”

“Better than your My Chemical Depression you were listening to.”

“My Chemical Romance is a respectable band!”

Roman shrugged. “If you’re into that emo trash, then yeah. However, some people have more...” he took a moment to pretend to think, “ _refined_ taste in music.”

“None of you can stop me if I kill him,” Virgil growled.

“Don’t worry; he’s like this with new people,” Patton reassured.

It wasn’t far from the truth. The day Logan and Virgil had met, Logan had extended an arm to shake and Virgil jerked away from the touch as if it were made of hot lava, rather than flesh. Patton, Logan and Virgil were all working on their debate homework later that night and when Virgil was beginning to lose, he actually _hissed_ at Logan, causing Logan to nearly give up in frustration.

Logan had gotten used to Virgil’s antics and odd little quirks. He always wore hoodies, which he later found out was due to wanting to hide the scarring on his arms from an apparent suicide attempt after graduating high school. He had bad social anxiety, but hanging around Patton seemed to help lesson it a bit. Loud noises and touch seemed to repel him, along with loud people. Logically, Logan understood why hanging around Roman might be a bit much for him.

People looked at Virgil would make a snap judgment that he was some disturbed and edgy kid, but Logan had come to realize that Virgil was just another flawed and complex human being.

“We’re here!” Patton announced. Logan followed him, along with Roman and Virgil into Pancake Haven- a loud and busy restaurant.

He figured this could only go badly.

“Have a seat wherever you’d like!” a waitress called.

The four sat down into a booth. Patton, as usual, took the social lead. “Okay! So, since we’re all friends now-”

“Friends?” Virgil asked, a comically alarmed look on his face.

“We should play a little game- talk a little about ourselves! And then ask questions at the end. Roman, you can start!”

Logan couldn’t help but feel like Patton was treating them as kindergartners being forced to make friends. Roman didn’t seem to care, as he began talking instantly.

“Talking about myself? Well, that shouldn’t be hard-”

“Shocker,” Virgil mumbled.

Roman glared. “I’m a proud theater geek!”

“Wow,” Virgil mumbled. “Another surprise.”

Roan ignored the comment and went on. “I love anything Disney and you could probably guess that I’m majoring in the dramatic arts. This is my third year attending the university! I’ve almost completed my bachelor's and I’m quite excited!”

“Wow, okay, so question,” Virgil said.

“Yes?”

“Do you make an effort to be so annoying? Or is just a natural thing?”

“Virgil!” Patton scolded.

“Are you always such a bummer, or is it something you put an effort into?”

“I have an actual question,” Logan barged in before things could escalate into an actual fight. “How did you not get into trouble last night? I’m pretty sure the stunt you pulled counts as public disturbance.”

Roman’s cheeks tinted red and he looked away a little sheepishly. “My actions were not… entirely without consequences.”

A waiter came over, where the four stopped glaring at each other for a moment while they ordered, but as soon as he left, business was back in order.

“All right!” Patton said excitedly. “Who’s next?”

No one looked interested in going next. “Oh, c’mon, edge lord, your life’s gotta be fascinating,” Roman said, looking right at Virgil.

“I do have a name,” Virgil snarled.

“Do you now?”

“It’s Virgil. I’m in my first year of college and my major is undecided. Who cares? This game is pointless.” He crossed his arms and slumped back in the booth. Logan was actually impressed- that was the most he had ever heard Virgil speak about himself.

“Well, admittedly, learning more about each other helps to establish a better connection between each other-” Logan began.

“Who brought Wikipedia over here?” Roman asked.

“Well, I’m Patton!” Patton interrupted. “I’m in my fifth year of university and I’m majoring in logistics! I like bagels, puppies, and people!”

“I am not surprised,” Roman said. “So, since I’ve never seen any of you at theater, I’m assuming none of you are staying over break to practice. What’re you all doing over break?”

“Oh, thought I’d just admire the campus scenery,” Virgil grumbled sarcastically.

“I’m using the break to my advantage to study.”

Patton shrugged, a smile still remaining on his face. “I just don’t have a place to go.”

Silence fell over the table like a cloud again. It was Roman who cut through it. “So, sir guyliner, is the hoodie another part of the emo getup? Asking for a friend.”

-*-

After their breakfast, Patton dropped the three off to work. Logan figured it could have gone worse. The four had dwelled into a discussion of campus life, which lead into Roman and Virgil smack-talking their roommates while Patton and Logan grinned sheepishly at each other.

“Hey Logan!” Thomas, his manager and acquaintance called excitedly as he made his way to the main cash register at the bane of Logan’s existence- Shopping Central. “What’s up?”

“The ceiling,” Logan said. “I thought you’d know that.”

Thomas sighed. “Didn’t mean that literally. But prepare yourself, my friend, because today is going to be a busy day.”

“Ugh,” Logan mumbled. “More busyness.”

Thomas smiled sympathetically and patted Logan’s shoulder. He walked off, likely to begin restocking the shelves.

 Thomas had been right he he’d said the day was going to be busy. The store was bombarded around 12:00pm, so much so that Logan was forced to skip his lunch break. He got screamed at several times for being unable to accept coupons or people’s credit cards being rejected. The worst was when an especially angry customer grabbed Logan’s bicep and threated to kick his “faggot ass.” The incident caused a huge stir, a lot of screaming and emotions running wild.

At the end of the day, Logan was thoroughly exhausted and nearly threw his phone across the street when he noticed several missed calls from his mother. Before he could even begin to dial her number, he saw she was calling that very instant. He took several deep breaths to calm himself and answered with a tight, “Hello.”

“Logan! Honey, I’ve been calling you all day!”

“I’ve been busy at work.”

He could hear the disappointment in her voice as she said, “With your talents, you could be working-“

“Everyone has to start somewhere,” he interrupted. “What are you calling for?”

“That’s no way to talk to your mother.”

A vice tightened around his throat. “I apologise. For a moment I felt I was just talking to yet another person trying to make me feel bad about myself.”

The pitch in her voice raised significantly. “Logan, I did not raise you to be like this.”

“No,” he gritted out, trying to reign in his emotions before the situation got out of control. “You didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Did you have a bad day, sweetheart?” Her voice was like syrup. His hands tightened on his phone. It was yet another manipulation technique she used so flawlessly. Pretend she cared, erasing everything in the past. For a moment he flashed back to his childhood- a little boy at the dinner table, sobbing, stomach growling furiously from a day without food.

_“Mama-“_

_“Bad little boys don’t eat.” She sighed, as if weighted down by Logan’s bad behavior. “I hate to do this, angel, but you have to learn. Maybe next time you’ll learn to study before going into a big exam like that.”_

It had been a stupid spelling test and Logan had earned a C, his teacher noting, _Nice effort! Maybe trying practicing with flash cards for better preparation! :)_

“It wasn’t the best,” he said slowly. “Listen- is there a particular reason you called?”

“Yes. Your father and I have mailed you some applications. We were thinking… perhaps it is a bit unrealistic and unfair of us to have you transfer next semester, but at the end of the year might be better.”

Logan leaned against the wall beside the store taking another deep breath. “Okay.”

“Do you have any plans for Christmas day? We thought maybe you’d like to come have dinner with the family.”

“I- I’ve made plans with someone.”

“Oh, okay. I love you.”

Logan closed her eyes, trying to swallow down the lump forming in his throat. He blinked away the burning in his eyes. Why was this becoming so hard? It was a stupid conversation with his mother.

“Bye.” He hung up and leaned back against the wall, taking deep breaths.

“Hey, Logan!” He looked up to see Thomas closing the side door and frowning. “You okay, man? You have a way back to the dorms, right?”

Logan nodded, wishing for a moment he could bleach his mind of his mother altogether. “Yeah. Thanks.”

He straightened up and began walking aimlessly down the street, wishing he was a machine without feeling. Emotions were hard to understand sometimes, but it didn’t prevent him from having them. It was safe to say he didn’t understand a single feeling going through his mind. Logan understood a lot- anything involving logic. Emotions were icky and complicated and completely illogical. He hated feeling so undone, so far from put-together. He could barely bear himself at the moment. He figured he might as well spare Virgil and Patton as well.

He didn’t go back to his dorm that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I need to put that Logan's parents do NOT reflect Thomas' parental units in any way. Logan is a different persona- he is not Thomas and in this fic, he isn't even a part of Thomas. 
> 
> Now, with that out of the way, I hope this is okay and you all enjoyed it! I don't think I can explain how nervous I am about this fic lol. 
> 
> Anyway, reviews and critique wold be lovely! <3 Thank you to all who have encouraged me to continue. :)


	3. Chapter 3

  **Thursday, December 22 nd 2016**

Logan knew it was coming sooner or later when his phone began to ring at 3:37am. He didn’t even have to glance at the caller ID to know it was Patton. With a sigh, he answered the call with a hoarse, “Hello.”

“You sound exhausted,” Patton said. “Where are you?”

“I’m just… what’s the word? _Hanging_ out.”

“Where? I can pick you up.”

“I don’t need to be picked up.”

“You should be back by now, it’s far past when you get off. You might think I’m a clueless idiot, but I’m not.” Patton sounded angry, which was something new. He was always carefree, never letting anything bother him. Yet, there they were, Logan _ruining_ it.

Logan took a deep breath. “I-  don’t think you’re clueless.”

“Where are you? I’m worried sick. You haven’t been dong well lately.”

“I’ve been doing fine.”

“You haven’t; you’re pushing yourself too hard-”

“I’m _not_.”

“You have!” Patton cried. “It’s Christmas _break_! You’ve worked then studied then worked and studied some more. You need to give yourself a break. You need-”

Logan found his hands clenching and unclenching in a perfect rhythm. “Stop! Stop acting like you know me! You don’t! You don’t know anything about me. You’re just… you’re just my roommate. You don’t have any right or reason to pry, acting like you… care.”

Silence. “Logan. I think you’re upset and saying these things in anger or… or… stress or-”

“No, I’m not! I don’t get upset. My response isn’t emotionally charged, it’s factually based-”

“Logan.” Patton never used his actual name instead of a nickname so much in one conversation and Logan didn’t know why he didn’t like it so much. “I don’t know what’s going on… But, please just tell me where you are so I can pick you up. We don’t have to be friends, we don’t have to talk. I promise.”

Logan’s gut did an uncomfortable squirm. “I’ll be at the store- Shopping Central.”

“All right.”

Logan swallowed. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

Logan’s hands were shaking uncontrollably as he hung up. Had he just lost his temper with the one and only person he might have considered something close to a _friend_? Worse yet, he’d said, rather yelled it, that he didn’t even consider them friends. That they were nothing more than roommates. 

Was he really so cold, so unfeeling and awful that he could say those things and not care? In that moment, he wanted to make sure Patton _knew_ that there was no reason for Patton to care, because Logan didn’t either. What kind of disgusting, socially inept _idiot_ would do something like that?

Logan apparently would.

A horn honking knocked him from his train of thought and he saw Patton’s car driving up beside him. Patton rolled down the window and smiled weakly. His eyes were red behind his glasses and Logan felt so stupid all over again. He had let his emotions, just as Patton had said, guide his words.

“Hey. Ready to go?”

Logan nodded, unsure of what to say. “Patton, I’m really sor-”

“It’s okay.” Patton gave another smile, this one even more inviting and gentle. “Come on.”

Why was he so _nice_? Logan nodded and could feel something acidic and burning, pressing against his eyelids as he made his way to the passenger side of the car. As soon as he was seated, Patton spoke.

“We don’t have to go back to the dorm. Wanna grab a snack or something? I…” Patton looked hesitant. “I don’t think you’ve ate anything since breakfast, ya know?”

How could Logan, in his “logical” mind, think Patton didn’t know anything about him? “I… yeah. Sure.”

“Okay.

As they drove, the silence that filled the car was awkward and tense, so thick and stiff that it hurt. Logan couldn’t take it. “Can I please apologize?”

Patton sighed. “You don’t have to.”

“I shouldn’t have said those things; it wasn’t right. I said I was basing things upon fact, but none of what I said was factual.”

They drove in more silence and Logan was beginning to feel like his lungs were going to burst. Patton pulled through a drive-through that Logan didn’t recognize. They could have left town, the state even, for all Logan knew. He was only focused in on his racing mind and the panic settling in his stomach.

Patton ordered two sandwiches then parked in the lot. The only noise was that of Patton, rustling through the bag. He handed Logan a sandwich, then finally broke the silence. “It’s better to talk and eat. I’m sorry for not talking before, it’s just…” Patton sighed. “I’m not entirely sure how to approach everything.”

“That’s understandable,” Logan said, fiddling with the wrapper. “I really mean it. That I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“I know.” Patton sighed and shifted. “Is something else going on? Besides normal school stress? I know it’s not my right to… _pry_ ,” Logan felt like such a tool, “but I worry.” He smiled softly. “You gotta know it helps to talk about what’s going on, kiddo.”

 _Kiddo._ Why was that the damning word? Why was it one stupid word that snapped Logan’s perfectly put together persona. His little space of neat and straight lines and corners were snapping into jagged little pieces and it hurt. His chest felt like it was convulsing. Was it possible to have a heart attack at his age? Perhaps. Perhaps all the stress, all the running around, trying look all put-together and smart had finally done him in.

Logan didn’t cry- it wasn’t in him to cry, but… it was something like that. He gagged and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, his chest heaving up and down. Up and down. It was steady, a rhythm he could keep up with.

“I want to drop out,” he blurted and despite not knowing _why_ he had said that or _where_ it had come from, he knew it was true. He wanted to drop out, drop everything and figure his life out. The pressure was confining. Why was he even in college?

His parents wanted him to. That’s all it was. The only reason he’d applied, the only reason he’d nearly killed himself over the short little life he’d lived, was to please his parents. For what though? They were never pleased.

“You wanna drop out?” Patton asked. He didn't look judging, just a little confused. Hesitantly his hand came out and squeezed the back of Logan’s neck gently.

“My stupid parents,” Logan began, forcing his chest to stop its ridiculous heaving, but it wasn’t working, making it harder to talk. “My stupid, stupid-” Why was he repeating himself? “Stupid p-parents wanted me to go to college. I don’t think I _wanted_ to go to college. I don’t even know if I.. if I want to _live_.”

Patton’s hand didn’t remove from his neck. “Why’s that?” His voice was so soft and quiet in the midst of Logan’s flailing and messy mind.

“I-I don’t know!” Logan cried. The sandwich slid off his lap and gently hit the floor of the car with a little _plop_. It went deathly silent after that, Logan furiously trying not to blink so none of the moisture in his eyes would embarrassingly spread to his cheeks.

“You’re too hard on yourself,” Patton said finally. “All this pressure… Kiddo, it’s only getting worse. Your freshman year-”

Logan stopped listening. It was rude and he knew it, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything other than his pounding heart and memories of freshman year, which was likely the worse year of all- the year his parents consistently used against him. He’d spent three days in the hospital after driving after staying awake for 60 hours and crashing his car, the main reason Patton had to cart him around everywhere, since he’d totaled his car. He watched blankly as snow began to fall and hit against the windshield.

“Logan, you with me?”

“Yeah.” Logan ran his hands over his knees, feeling his chest tightening again. “I don’t know what to do. I… I hate my parents. Can I tell you about them?” Logan knew he could be ignorant when it came to people, but he wasn’t a jerk. He knew there were certain topics people preferred to not talk about. With Patton being an orphan, he wasn’t sure if parents were a restricted topic or not.

“Of course.” Patton smiled. “We have all week.”

“Isn’t that a bit unrealistic-” He cut himself off as Patton grinned again. Yet another joke he’d missed, but Patton surprisingly never seemed to mind. “My parents want me to transfer at the end of the year. They’re always pushing me to do my best and that’s great and all, but… it feels like they’re constantly trying to run my life.”

“I understand, but don’t you think they’re just looking out for you?” Patton asked. Something must have shown on Logan’s face, because Patton corrected himself. “Or there’s something more?”

“I’ve studied too much physiology to remain ignorant and turn a blind eye to it, you know? My parents had textbook abuse tactics. It wasn’t severe or traumatizing, but just enough to make them have control over me. They never touched me- never physically laid a hand on me, but…”

“But it still hurt,” Patton said softly.

“They’re never satisfied with the effort I put forth. They never were. They hated me unless I was perfect.”

“I think you know what I’m gonna tell you.”

Logan fumbled with his fingers then picked up his sandwich, just to feel like he was doing something. “Yeah. I do.”

“But you’re not gonna listen.”

Logan swallowed, every breath feeling like a great effort. “I don’t want to let them down.”

“They’re not the only people in your life you’re meant to make happy. You have to be happy. You have to know how to make yourself happy.”

“Yeah.” Silence. “I’m sorry for breaking down in your car and making such a mess of things-”

“Don’t be sorry. You’re not the first to break down in this car.”

That made sense. Patton had this air of safety and kindness about him. His car was quiet- Patton was good and wouldn’t judge. It made sense for people to feel comfortable enough to unload their emotions.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Eat your sandwich.”

Logan complied after he picked it up and unwrapped it the rest of the way. The two stayed in the car for hours talking and ranting. It felt nice to finally get some of the things off his chest. Logan felt like he had been carrying a huge load on his back and someone was finally there to help him.

When they arrived back at the dorms, nearing on 6:30, Virgil was actually asleep, sprawled across Patton’s bed. His hoodie was tossed at the bottom on the bed and his laptop had apparently fallen at some point, because it laid on the floor, half open and the battery two inches from it.

“Aww, how cute,” Patton cooed and Logan had to resist rolling his eyes. It really wasn’t cute by any means. For one, Virgil was drooling all over Patton’s pillow. Second, his feet were at an awkward angle. And third, his eye makeup was smeared across his eyes, making him look like he’d been punched a few times and then deposited messily into bed.

“That can’t be sanitary,” Logan commented with disgust as he stared at the drool on the pillowcase.

Patton laughed. “It’s fine.” Virgil grumbled something and the two tensed; he flipped over and stilled once more. Patton sat at the edge of Logan’s bed and let out a long sigh. “You tired?” he asked looking at Logan. Before Logan could protest, Patton was continuing, “You’re tired. Nap.”

Logan sighed. “Can’t argue with logic.”

Patton grinned and nodded, getting off the bed and walking down to restroom. Logan kicked off his shoes and laid down, closing his eyes. The room was silent and peaceful- the only noise being the soft breathing from Virgil. Then Patton was back, kicking off his own shoes and lying down. Logan’s body and eyes both felt heavy and burdened. His eyes fluttered closed, his breathing evened out.

Then his phone rang.

He reached for it frantically, trying to muffle the thing under his pillows, but Virgil had already jerked awake and jumped out of the bed, looking around in frightened confusion. Logan nearly threw the thing at the wall when he saw the familiar contact; his mother.

He knew he’d pay hell for it later, but he didn’t care. He declined the call and silenced his phone again. “Sorry,” he said. “I forgot to silence it.”

“It’s chill,” Virgil said. He was fumbling around to try to shove on his hoodie, but his hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t do it. Logan felt awful, but also an unfounded anger towards his mother. He sighed and laid back down, hoping with all of him, that he’d fall asleep.

_*_

Going to work was an almost hellish experience. He woke up to his alarm feeling emotionally drained and exhausted. Upon one glance at his phone, he saw 23 missed calls, all from his mother. He didn’t have time to whine about it, for he was already twenty minutes late, Patton patiently waiting by his car.

By the time he arrived, he was officially a half hour late and fumbled out a messy apology to Thomas, who just watched on with a raised eyebrow, barely contained amusement in his eyes.

“It’s all right, Logan,” he finally said with a laugh and patted his shoulder. “This is the first time you’ve been late. You’re fine.”

After that, they were so bombarded with customers trying to squeeze in last minute Christmas shopping, that they weren’t able to say another word to each other. Then around 4:00pm, Roman entered the store in full prince attire with a grin on his face.

“I didn’t know you worked here, Logical Disaster.”

“That’s not my name.”

“Now it is.” Roman dumped an armful of clothes, snack foods and various children’s toys onto the counter. “Hey, since you all invited me to your little breakfast get-together, would you and your emo boy-toy and daddy dearest,” _What_ was with the nicknames? “like to come to a party? It’s tomorrow night and few theater kids are throwing it, so you know it’ll be fun.”

“Parties really aren’t my thing,” Logan said politely, beginning to scan the items, it taking all of his self-control to not ask why on earth there were _six_ teething rings in the mix.

“What a surprise. Neeerrrrd aleeeerrrrrt!” he sang then grinned wickedly. “You’re one of those smart introverts, hm?”

“I suppose one might assume such a-”

“How sad. I couldn’t live without my theater parties. But hey, if you change your mind, just text me and I can pick you guys up.”

“I don’t have your number-”

“I can fix that!” Why was he so _loud_? Roman didn’t seem to notice or care about his volume and the customers behind him staring, only reaching behind the counter to snatch a Sharpie and grasping Logan’s wrist with the other.

“Hey!” Logan protested as Roman began scribbling numerals onto his wrist. “That’s undignified.”

“Don’t even know what that word means,” Roman said with a shrug, capping the marker. “Text me!”

Logan sighed and scanned the last item. “67.82.”

Roman handed over his card, still grinning. “Are you coming to the show?”

“I usually do,” Logan said as he swiped the card. “The performing arts are quite fascinating to witness.”

“You really do talk like a textbook,” Roman said.

“Thanks,” Logan replied dryly. He handed Roman his bulging bag of madness.

“Thank you!” Roman said, turning to walk away. Then he spun around and yelled, “Text me!” Logan gave an awkward thumbs up and Roman saluted him, only to tumble into a group of chatting teenagers.

Unfortunately, none of his other customers for the rest of the day were as admittedly fun as Roman. Most were concerned with their shopping and yelling at Roman for not letting them use two coupons on one item.

He got off an hour early, Thomas insisting upon it and he just walked along the sidewalk for a while, unable to stop thinking.

He’d never been able to stop thinking.

When he was seven years old, his teacher had said to his mother, “He’s a genius. A true genius. He’s already reading at a fifth grade level. But he doesn’t work well with other students. You might want to see about that.”

 _See about that_ meant ignore it. Highlight Logan’s apparent “genius” and work his mind until it shuddered within him. And when he misread a stupid social situation _again,_ just yell at him for being insensitive. Roll their eyes when he didn’t get a joke. Make him skip dinner ~~for the fifth time this week~~ for not shaking hands or hugging a relative when he didn’t see the purpose.

His mind was always on overdrive, which was great for his parents, but everything else about him was… ugh. He was meant to contribute something to the world, not for the world to contribute anything to him. Friendships weren’t meant for people like him. Soft parenthood, of warm love and all that wasn’t meant for him.

It felt fitting for his mother to call right at that moment. He answered on the fourth ring, trying to drown his unfounded anger. “Hello.”

“Are you ignoring me?”

“Yes.”

A stiff, still silence followed. “What?”

“I said, _yes_.”

“That’s rude.”

“So you wanted me to lie?” Logan asked. “Don’t ask a question if you don’t want an answer.”

More silence. Then, “Your father and I want you to come home for Christmas. Pl-”

Logan hung up.

He marched home, counting his steps. Each pace, each stride. _one, two, three-_

He tripped.

_one, two three, four, five, six-_

Logan marched all the way up to his dorm, ignoring Patton, ignoring Virgil, and flopped into the bed. He threw his phone across the room and laid in bed, screaming into his pillow. It wasn’t logical behavior and Logan was sick of being illogical.

But sometimes, he just couldn’t help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was... phew. I've rewrote it several times tbh, because it's kind of hard to figure out how to keep everyone in character, while also managing to accurately convey their emotions and reactions. Ugh. I hope this is good!
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone who has shown support by kudos-ing, subscribing, bookmarking, or commenting. I greatly appreciate it. It inspires me to keep writing. Seriously, thanks again. Life is so stressful right now, but something as little as coming onto here and seeing people care about my silly little story makes me so happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Friday, December 23 rd 2016**

Patton and Virgil didn’t bother him for hours, to which Logan was greatly relieved. Eventually, he had climbed from his bed, set his alarm, and began working on his project once more. Patton went to sleep after tossing another wayward worried glance towards Logan. Virgil sat at the end of Patton’s bed; after a few hours went by, he slowly, almost anxiously made his way over to Logan.

“Can I sit with you?”

Logan looked up. “I do not see any reason why not.”

Virgil took a seat next to Logan, tucking his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “So… what’s your project on?”

“I haven’t been able to decide,” Logan said after a moment of silence. “It’s due right after break and...” he trailed off, burying his head in his hands.

“Most of my projects were due before break started and I still haven’t finished them,” Virgil said.

“That’s quite irresponsible,” Logan said with a small laugh. Virgil shrugged.

“College kinda blows.”

“I can’t argue with that,” Logan confessed. “Roman invited the three of us to a party later today.”

“A party?”

“A party. You know what a party is, correct?”

Virgil narrowed then rolled his eyes. “Yes. But I’m just saying… parties aren’t my thing.”

“I feel the same.” Logan fidgeted. “But… I kind of would like to attend if you might as well?”

Virgil shrugged. “If it’ll make you happy.”

Logan smiled meekly. “I must… apologise to you, Virgil. I am not the best at being friends with people and I hope I haven’t made you feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m not really the greatest friend either.”

“You make Patton so happy though. In… ways I cannot. I feel like I crush his spirit, in some way.”

“And I don’t?” Virgil asked. Logan recognized it as a rhetorical question. “But your logic and strong sense of reality is… comforting really.”

“Thanks.”

Virgil smirked. “You want coffee?”

“Are we not just enabling each other’s bad behaviour this way?”

“You want coffee or nah?”

“My wallet’s in my briefcase.”

_*_

**You have started a conversation with Roman! Say hi! (9:01am)**

**Logan (9:01am):** Hello. Is this Roman?

 **Roman (9:01am):** yessss. new phone, who dis?

 **Logan (9:02am):** This is Logan. I wasn’t aware you obtained a new phone.

 **Roman (9:03am):** ah, logan!

 **Roman (9:03am):** ur adorable.

 **Roman (9:04am):** new phone who dis is an expression.

 **Logan (9:05am):** Oh, I apologize. I’m not too familiar with new expressions. I am contacting you in regards to the party taking place tonight.

 **Roman (9:07am):** that!

 **Roman (9:07am):** u n ur friends wanna come or nah?

 **Roman (9:07am):** and hey, if hot topic and dad dont want to go, that’s fine by me if it’s just u and I

 **Roman (9:08am):** he u nd I

 **Roman (9:08am):** liek 1d

 **Logan (9:09am):** Are you referring to your actual father or Patton?

 **Roman (9:09am):** Patton. but patton can be my daddy if he’d like ;;;)

 **Logan (9:10am):** I don’t think Patton can adopt you, as you’re legally an adult.

 **Roman (9:11am):** …

 **Roman (9:11am):** so, u coming to the par-tayyy?

 **Logan (9:12am):** I am interested in attending, as is Patton and Virgil.

 **Roman (9:12am):** ccccool. :D i’ll pick u guys up at the dorm around eleven.

 **Roman (9:13am):** that ok?

 **Logan (9:14am):** Satisfactory.

 **Roman (9:14am):** yay! :D

**Roman has changed your name to Logical Disaster! (9:15am)**

**Logical Disaster (9:15am):** That’s not my name.

 **Roman (9:16am):** ;;;)

-*-

Logan had worked so hard all his life to understand human behaviour, why people do what they do. Once he felt he had understood all there was to understand, his mother had to confound him once more. She had managed to do it again, when she showed up at his work, sitting in the break room as if she had been expecting him; as if she belonged there.

“Logan!” she said. Logan stiffened instantly as she rushed to him and embraced him in a constricting hold.

“Mother,” he said tightly, pushing her away as gently as possible, “I am working.”

“Honey, you’ve been ignoring me and I was so worried-”

“It is a _seven hour drive_.”

“-your father and I are so worried-”

“What are you doing here?”

His mother stiffened. “What have I done to deserve such disrespect?”

“I am working,” he repeated. “Please go.”

“You’re not coming home for Christmas and you decide to ignore my calls. What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Logan snapped. “I’m spending Christmas with my friend.”

“You don’t have friends, Logan!”

Logan stepped backward, feeling as if he’d been punched in the gut. “Why would you say that? What kind of a m-”

“Oh honey, I’m not being cruel… you’ve just never been good with… people.”

“Please. Leave.” Logan turned as if to leave, his heart thudding apace in his chest. His mother grasped his shoulder.

“Your father and I have worked so hard for you to get your education-”

Logan laughed. “You have not! I have worked tirelessly in school and earned a scholarship. I have taken no breaks or worried of anything but my education. You may receive no credit for my work.”

“We raised you!”

“You punished me for being a child!” Logan said, his voice raising. “I have been reading and researching for my humanities project and the way you raised me was… was not correct.”

“Oh, so you know how to raise a child now, do you?”

“More than you do,” Logan choked out. “You love them, correct their mistake and praise them when they do right. You don’t punish them for… for a C on a spelling test.”

“Are you _still_ angry over that incident?”

“Yes! You refuse to acknowledge your wrongdoing.” Logan took a deep breath. “I have… forgiven you for your… errors. However, I feel it is best I don’t speak with you. Anymore. For a while.”

“What?” His mother had paled considerably, tears in her own eyes. “I… love you, Logan. You don’t understand- I tried.”

“You might have tried, but you have…. damaged me.”

“You aren’t damaged,” his mother said miserably.

“Please go,” Logan whispered. “Go.”

“Will you call me?”

“Not for a while.”

His mother pressed a shaking hand to her mouth, tears falling down her cheeks. “I love you, Logan.”

As she walked away, for the first time ever, Logan felt like she meant it. He didn’t expect that to hurt so much.

_*_

Patton picked Logan up, texting him, “Virgil and I wanna grab dinner before the party! We’ll pick you up!!! :D” Patton didn’t really give Logan a choice in that matter, so he just went along with it.

“So,” Virgil said as Logan slid in the backseat, “how are things at Shopping Hell?”

“Decent,” Logan said, clicking his seat belt. “How are things at Fast Food Hell?”

Virgil snorted. “Awful, as usual. But dude, I’m impressed you made a joke.”

“I’m not incapable of doing so.”

“I know,” Virgil said with another snort, turning the knob to the radio up to make Evanescence blare even louder. Perhaps it was only Logan’s perception, but after Roman had called Virgil’s music “trash,” Virgil had been blaring it louder than ever.

Patton swung through a drive-through, not just any drive-through, but the one Virgil worked at. If it had been anyone else besides Patton, it would have seemed to be to torment Virgil. After that, the three found themselves sitting along the sidewalk beside the dormitory building, sharing a giant platter of fries, coffees, and sandwiches.

“You guys doing anything for Christmas?” Virgil asked suddenly through the quiet. His voice was so low though, the sentence muttered so quietly, that if there wasn’t quiet around them, Logan would not have heard.

“Me and Logan-” Patton began.

“Logan and I,” Logan corrected under his breath.

“-don’t really have any specific plans! How about you, kiddo?”

Virgil kicked the gravel, his hands digging impossibly deeper into the pockets of his hoodie. “Well,” he mumbled, “I usually just stay in bed.” Patton was looking at Virgil with his eyebrows knitted tightly together in worry. “But uhm, this year, I was wondering if you guys just wanted to chill… out of the dorms, because uhm, staying inside all the time isn’t really healthy.”

“Correct,” Logan said. “Going out is beneficial to both your physical and mental health.”

Virgil nodded slowly. “So- We could just do something. If you guys wanted to.”

“Of course!” Patton exclaimed. “We can go _sledding!_ ”

“Oh- Uh, yeah,” Virgil said, looking as if he was trying to smother the thin smile creeping across his face.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Logan admitted. “In fact, I think that would be quite enjoyable.”

Virgil smiled hesitantly at Logan and Logan didn’t find it too hard to return it. “I’m not a fan of parties,” Virgil began, “but I don’t really mind since I’m going with you guys.”

“Aw!” Patton cried. “That’s so sweet!”

“Kids would invite me to parties, because I’d freak out about the noise. Like, meltdown freak out.” Virgil took a bite of his sandwich and shrugged. “They’d film it and a lot of it is up online. People think it’s funny.” Logan blinked, trying to comprehend the words from Virgil’s mouth.

“I hope college parties are better,” Virgil said. He looked so tired and vulnerable in the dim lighting, Logan’s chest felt tight and uncomfortable.

“Students mature,” Logan began, desperate to say something to make Virgil feel better. “As people get older, they learn from their experiences. They improve their behaviours. This will be better.”

They finished the rest of their meal in silence, no one quite knowing what to say to each other. Then, a sports car peeled through the lot, going a full circle around the building, then stopping on the second time where Patton, Virgil, and Logan stood. Logan recognized the driver as Roman, though it was odd to see him without his infamous prince attire.

He wore tight black pants and a long white shirt, the sleeves rolled up stiffly. As he stepped out of the car, Logan stared at his black boots that looked brand new and shiny.

“What’s up?” Roman asked with a grin. “Ready to have the night of your dull lives?”

“A theater party with a bunch of other theater geeks. My life has been so dull until today,” Virgil said dryly.

“Oh, you’ll have fun, Pouty McGee,” Roman said. “Ready?”

“I think so,” Patton said.

The four packed into Roman’s car and before Logan could even begin to buckle his seat belt, Roman was peeling out of the parking lot. Roman told them that the party was taking place at a friends house, no more than ten miles away. By Logan’s math, if they obeyed all traffic laws, they’d be there within fifteen to twenty minutes.

They were there in eleven.

Roman went a solid 20 over the speed limit, belting the Mary Poppins soundtrack the entire time. Virgil looked as if he was one second from jumping out of the car; Patton surprisingly looked genuinely happy and content.

They pulled into a driveway with a big banner across the garage reading **THEATER GEEKS UNITE TONIGHT!!** Several kids sat along the porch drinking and giggling while others were tossing tennis balls to three chunky boxer puppies in the yard. Music blasted from in the house; Logan didn’t recognize anyone, except for Joan, one of the kids from his math class who also was (apparently), in theater.

“Okay, so, rules, because all three of you have been deprived of the wonder known as parties,” Roman said as he walked across the yard. Virgil curled his lip at the comment. “Dance, have fun, drink- whatever. But don’t let people you don’t know get you a drink. I’m designated driver, but please don’t get drunk. No one is throwing up in Angelina.”

“Angelina?” Logan asked.

“My car.”

“You named your _car_?” Virgil sputtered out. “Oh my God.” He burst into uncontrollable laughter, Roman glaring over him.

“That’s funny, is it?” Roman asked with a huff. “I don’t see how it’s funny, considering you listen to MCR.”

“They’re a respectable band!”

“Right,” Roman drawled. “Anyway- Watch your drinks. Please.”

“Will do, kiddo,” Patton said.

“Just a party tip from one who never parties- don’t call anyone kiddo,” Virgil said, but he was smiling jokingly. Patton grinned back.

“Right,” Roman said opening the door. “If you need anything, I’ll be dancing.” He gave a wave and took off to a circle of girls who were trying to eject the CD from the huge player.

“Well, I’m off to see the dogs,” Patton said. Virgil snorted and waved.

“All right,” Logan said, feeling his heart rate increasing significantly. “Have fun.”

“I’m going to grab water for us,” Virgil said. “I’m not in the mood to get wasted, I mean,” he looked uncomfortable, “unless you want to, which-”

“You can just grab two waters,” Logan said.

Virgil looked relieved. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Be right back.” He took off towards the kitchen and Logan took a deep breath and looked around.

He didn’t belong. Kids were laughing, dancing, screaming songs, playing games- just generally having fun. People like Logan weren’t met to have fun. All he could think about was the multiple underage students drinking, putting themselves at risk. The fact that the music was just too loud, loud enough to cause damage to the ears.

“Logan?”

Logan jerked around at the voice and saw a girl behind him standing; her long brown hair was thrown over her shoulder, pooling gracefully across her white shirt and tied up with several fake-flowers. His eyes remained fixed on the braid, the music thumping in his ears to the point it felt as if his head was going to burst.

“Hi,” he said.

The girl smiled. “I’m in your humanities class?” Logan blinked blankly. “Valerie,” she reminded.

“Oh! Valerie!” he said. “I’m sorry, I’m just bad at faces.”

“You look a bit lost. Parties not your thing?”

“Not really,” he admitted.

“So, you friends with someone from the play?”

“Well, I’m acquainted with Roman.”

Valerie nodded. “Make sure you see us perform. Roman’s a god on stage.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Logan said. Valerie grinned and gave a short little wave then walked over to join a group arguing over a Cards Against Humanity game. Virgil trotted through the crowd, holding two bottles of water.

“Here,” Virgil said and tossed a bottle to Logan’s awaiting arms. “I’d-” he was cut off as Patton ran and grabbed his arm.

“Virgil! The puppies are so cute, come with me!” And with that, Virgil was snatched out the door and into the yard of dogs.

The night carried on similarly- Logan stood awkwardly around and humored the few who wanted to talk to him. Virgil and Patton carried on playing with the puppies until they collapsed in a corner together, talking quietly. Roman spent his time dancing with every single boy and girl in the room, which included Virgil. Sing had blared then Roman made a beeline towards the boy, yanked him up, screamed, “It’s an emo anthem!” and yanked Virgil into some awkward dance until the song ended and Virgil was actually grinning sheepishly.

By two, nearly everyone was tipsy and the amount of people seemed to only be growing bigger, to the point Logan could no longer see anyone he knew; Logan crept away to the backyard, a large wooded area, to be alone. He’d long lost sight of Roman and the rest of his group and people kept offering him drinks with no names, to which he refused. He needed to get away from the chaos for a moment.

As he shut the door, the music was still heard, but it was muffled, as well as the loud noise from all the people. He leaned against a tree, glad to get some peace until the door opened, then slammed again. Someone was sobbing; Logan stiffened.

“It’s okay; it’s okay,” a hushed voice murmured. Roman.

“I-it’s not.” A loud hiccup and another sob. “I-I swear I didn’t mean to drink anything-” Logan stiffened even more. It was Virgil crying.

“It’s chill, dude. I know you didn’t mean to. I'm not gonna hang you for it.”

“He kept _touching_ me.”

“I know.”

“I told him to _stop-_.”

“I know you did.”

“I was an idiot-”

“Hey, hey; back up. It’s not your fault, okay? He’s just some random ass with no boundaries.”

“This is why I hate parties,” Virgil sobbed. More hiccuping. “I should've known better.”

“Listen, Hot Topic, I know I don’t know you well, but I think you’re gonna want to go home. You’re kinda not sober and I think-”

“This stuff always happens to me. I’m not supposed to-” choked crying, “be alive.”

“Dude, _what_ -”

Virgil dissolved into more sobs and slurred words. Logan remained frozen. From what he had heard, Virgil was drunk and _something_ had happened to make him so distraught. Logan was terrible in these situations.

“I tried to kill myself once,” Virgil said through hiccups, which were seeming to get worse. “Won’t do it again though. I’ve got friends now.”

“Yeah, and I’m one of them. So don’t say stuff like you’re not supposed to be alive, geez.”

Virgil giggled through his sobs. “I thought you hated me.”

“No. Just your music taste.”

Virgil burst into laughter, which sounded manic and hysterical through his sobs. Roman muttered, “I need to find Logan. He’ll know what to do.”

Logan sighed deeply. Right.

A half hour later, the four were rounded up outside beside Roman’s car, where Roman explained the situation to a confused and worried Patton as well as Logan, who tried to pretend he didn’t have a clue what was going on.

In short, Virgil had drank the punch which had been spiked. Someone decided to take advantage of Virgil’s drunken state and make inappropriate moves on him. That explained some of what Virgil was saying and why he was so distraught.

Which brought them to where they were.

“He should try to sleep it off,” Roman said. “I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for the night to end this way.”

“It isn't your fault,” Logan affirmed. “You weren't in the wrong.”

Roman scratched the back of his neck sheepishly then smiled. “I'll drive you guys home. I'm really sorry.”

“It's... what's the word? Chill,” Logan said.

Roman burst into laughter. “Okay. Right. Someone sit in the back and make sure he doesn't barf in Angelina.”

Patton took that position and they began the drive home; Roman actually obeyed most traffic laws this time. Virgil passed out on Patton's shoulder, mumbling something about Fast Food Hell then giggling in his sleep.

Logan thought of earlier, Patton laughing with Virgil as the two tossed balls to the puppies; he thought of Roman dancing with everyone, a goofy smile spread across his face.

For some reason, he'd managed to forget entirely about his mother for a moment. Though a small moment it may have been, still yet, a good moment it happened to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel... absolutely awful for breaking my promise. "An update by Tuesday." Ugh, I'm so sorry. I got stressed and sad and I couldn't get any words onto paper. I'm so sorry. :/ 
> 
> I hope this chapter suffices! It certainly isn't up to par, for that I apologise. I've edited it a bunch though and I think I smoothed out the plot holes and grammar errors. Please let me know if I missed any!
> 
> Let me know what you think. Thank you to all who have been patient. Lord know people need a lot of patience with me lol. 
> 
> <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Saturday, December 24 th 2016**

At the dorms, Virgil crashed on Logan's bed, Patton apologizing over and over again, while Logan insisted it was okay; he wasn't going to sleep in it anyway. Roman stood awkwardly in the doorway, asking if there was any way to help over and over until Patton gently escorted him out, telling him it was okay, wasn't his fault, and that he'd call him if they needed him.

To say the night was rough would be an understatement. Virgil woke up and escaped to the bathrooms to throw up. Patton and Logan followed him. Logan stood off behind the two awkwardly when Virgil broke down into loud, crushing sobs as Patton cradled him tightly, petting his hair as if he were a frightened puppy. The scene in the bathroom lasted for what felt to be hours until Virgil lurched over once again to throw up yet another time.

“I'm tired,” he said wearily, putting his forehead into his hands, his sweaty bangs sticking to any skin they could come in contact with.

“Do you want to sleep?” Logan asked.

Virgil shook his head. His shoulders were shaking again. Logan tensed; he didn't really enjoy seeing Virgil cry. Patton's hand gently gripped the back of Virgil's neck, like he had done to Logan in the car the other night.

“What do you want to do then, kiddo? Logan and I will do anything you want.” Patton looked up to Logan, as if silently asking if that was okay. Logan nodded. Honestly, he'd cross the ocean at that point to avoid Virgil crying again.

“I don't know what I want to do,” Virgil said. He closed his eyes and after a while Logan thought he was sleeping, slumped against a public restroom toilet with vomit still in the bowel.

Gross, for lack of a better word.

“Virgil?” Patton asked softly.

“Ugh,” Virgil moaned. “I don't want to move.”

“It's not ideal to remain in the bathroom,” Logan said. “I don't think the bacteria in here will do you any good.”

Virgil snorted. “Bacteria, huh?”

“Yeah. Actually, you might be surprised to hear that it's actually not the toilet with the most bacteria in the bathroom, but it still has a lot. You don't want to hang around it.”

Virgil nodded. “Can't argue with logic.”

He pushed himself up and slowly walked to the sink where he washed his hands for a solid seven minutes under the hottest the water would go. Finally, Logan shut it off, muttering, “You're burning yourself.” Patton withdrew Virgil's red hands from the sink and examined them, gentle as ever.

“I-I'm sorry, I'm trying to be normal-” Virgil began shakily, “I'm trying.”

“It's all right,” Patton soothed.

“I don't want to be a big wuss about this,” Virgil said. “I-”

“You're not,” Logan said firmly. “It's fine. A reaction like this, after what has happened, is not unexpected.”

“Thanks, Logan,” Virgil said. He took a deep breath. “I'm okay.”

“It's fine if you're not,” Patton said softly.

“I'm fine. Let's go back to the dorms. Is that okay?”

“Sure, kiddo,” Patton said.

In the dorms, the three sat in a circle on the floor, reminiscent of the first time the three had been together, working on the debate project. That felt so long ago to Logan- Logan wondered if the others felt the same.

“I had fun,” Virgil said quietly. “Sometimes it feels like I can't have fun without something going wrong.”

“That's merely coincidence,” Logan said. “People blow few, small situations and make them bigger than what they were. Our minds perceive such situations as something entirely negative, when in fact, it's not.”

Virgil blinked. “You can't argue with logic,” Logan said, smiling halfheartedly.

“No,” Virgil said quietly, “you can't.”

_*_

They called Roman and the four met up at the sandwich shop Logan loved for lunch. Roman showed up looking thoroughly exhausted, wearing simple white pants, a tee-shirt, and an unzipped blue hoodie.

“Joining the hoodie club? It's not black, but it's a start,” Virgil joked.

Roman smirked. “You wish, Hot Topic.”

Patton dunked his french fry in a pile of mashed potatoes. Logan winced. “You look tired,” Patton commented softly. Roman looked startled. “Are you okay?”

Roman coughed awkwardly and shoved a fistful of crackers in his mouth. “Yeah, uh, I'm fine. I'm worried about Mr. Back in Black over here.”

Virgil rolled his eyes- whether over the nickname or concern, Logan couldn't tell. “I'm fine, Princey. Just a little out of it.”

“Do you know who it was?” Logan asked seriously. “If you want to report it.”

Virgil flinched. “I'm not telling anyone. I trust you guys won't either.” He eyed them all suspiciously, as if any of them were sneaking out a quick Tweet under the table.

“We won't tell anyone unless you need us to, kiddo,” Patton promised.

“Who was it though?” Roman asked. “I don't want a scumbag like that around me. Ever.”

“I'd punch him if I saw him,” Patton muttered. Logan looked up in surprise. Patton didn't seem to notice how out of character his remark seemed and continued dipping his fries and dunking them in his mouth. Virgil looked a little choked- as if he was about to cry again.

“I don't remember. It's blurry, because I was an idiot and got drunk-”

“-because you made a simple mistake,” Logan corrected. “You couldn't have known the punch was spiked.”

“Someone always spikes the punch at parties!” Virgil cried out in exasperation. “I should have known that.”

“I didn't know that,” Logan confessed. “Would it have been okay if that happened to me? Would I be to blame?”

Virgil shuffled uncomfortably and took a long drink of his water. He took a deep breath. “I don't like it... when people _touch_ me. And he-” He swallowed and furiously glared at his untouched plate. “I'm being such a baby.”

“Impossible. You're not an infant.”

Virgil blew out a long sigh. “It's an expression, Logan. I'm acting ridiculous.”

“You are not.”

“I'm done talking about this,” Virgil snapped.

“But-”

“Roman, when's your play?” Virgil went on as if he hadn't heard Logan at all.

“Two weeks after Christmas,” Roman said, going along with the quick change of toipic. “You coming?”

“Sure,” Virgil said with a shrug. “Might as well.”

“Don't act so beaten down about it. It'll be an amazing show.”

“I'm not into theater, really-”

“ _What_?” Roman was looking at Virgil with an expression of pure horror. “Theater is what makes the world go round.”

Logan frowned. “No. What makes the world go around-”

“Nerd,” Roman said lightly. “It's another expression. Do you not know what those are?”

“I do,” Logan said with a blush. “I just... I'm trying to learn them.”

“Most people know them practically from birth. Did your parents talk this textbook-ish?” Roman asked. Patton jerked his head up and eyed Logan warily, as if he were so fragile such a comment would break him.

“No. They didn't,” Logan said shortly. “But they didn't use useless expressions constantly either.”

Roman shrugged. “Fair enough. My parents used the most ridiculous expressions.”

“So did mine,” Patton said, stirring his water uselessly. “My mom's favourite was, “Now wait just a cotton picking minute.”” Patton smiled, as if caught up in a happy memory.

“My parents never used expressions,” Virgil said. “Not that I remember anyway.”

The group dissolved into awkward silence. “I kind of wanted to apologise,” Roman confessed eventually, “for dragging you all to the party-”

“You didn't drag anyone,” Logan said. “We chose to come. You didn't do anything wrong.”

“Besides your choice to wear white pants,” Virgil jutted in. “Who _does_ that?”

Roman looked offended. “These are designer pants!”

“Slapping the word designer on them doesn't make them any better,” Virgil said.

“You’re just jealous, Hot Topic.”

“You wish. I have more fashion sense in my pinkie than you have in your entire body.”

“That’s rich coming from the one who dresses like a high school emo,” Roman said.

Virgil glared. “This hoodie in itself was a limited edition-“

“Now, you two,” Patton began, “let’s not fight-“

“We’re not fighting,” Virgil said. “We’re… discussing.”

“You two are arguing,” Logan said.

“Hush, peasant,” Roman said.

Virgil rolled his eyes and said, “Oh please, you only play a prince- you’re not actually one.”

“I have princely good looks though,” Roman said, winking.

“Princely hideous would be accurate,” Virgil mumbled.

“Oh you little-“

_*_

Logan should have blocked his mother’s number. With the party and everything that had happened with Virgil, Logan had forgotten entirely about his phone until he switched it on back at the dorms to see 50+ voice calls, missed calls, and texts.

 **Mother (yesterday):** Logan, call me.

 **Mother (yesterday):** You weren’t serious were you?

**Voice call received! Transcript:** _Logan, no. *unintelligible* Call me please._

**Mother (yesterday):** Please call me. Your father and I are entirely worried.

 **Mother (yesterday):** Logan, baby, I’m so sorry.

 **Mother (yesterday):** We’ve failed as parents. How did we fail so badly?

**Voice call received! Transcript:** _Call me right now, Logan! I need to talk with you._

**Mother (3:55am):** Heading into work. Please call me.

 **Mother (3:55am):** Please.

 **Mother (4:40am):** I can’t live knowing how much I’ve hurt you, baby. Please call me.

 **Mother (5:11am):** Why would you treat your own mother this way?

**Voice call received! Transcript:** _You little snob. How can you shun your own mother this way? Call me._

**Mother (5:20am):** All right, fine. You don’t want your mother? I don’t want a son.

**Voice call received! Transcript:** _Worthless little *unintelligible* I can’t *unintelligible*_

**Mother (5:27am):** Your father and I will not be aiding you financially anymore. You want to screw us over? Fine. We parented you. You don’t get to disown us.

**Voice call received! Transcript:** _Call me._

**Voice call received! Transcript:** _Last chance, Logan._

**Voice call received! Transcript:** _*unintelligible*_

**Mother (6:03am):** In case it wasn’t clear enough, we’re cutting you off. I don’t want to see you tomorrow for Christmas. Don’t call me or test me unless you’re going to apologize.

Logan lowered his phone with shaking hands. Of course. Who was he to think he could peacefully cut contact with his mother? She always had to have the upper hand. She couldn’t deal with Logan cutting off the relationship, so she had to act like she did it herself.

“I don’t want to see you tomorrow for Christmas.”

As if he wanted to go anyway.

“Logan?” Patton asked, toweling down his hair that he’d rinsed off in the sinks, because of the gravy Virgil “accidentally” tossed at Roman, which had instead hit Patton in the hair. Logan and Patton were alone; Virgil and Roman wanted to go go-carting. Or more so, Roman begged on hand and foot for Virgil to go, which he finally accepted after thirty minutes of begging.

So Patton and Logan were left alone as Patton got ready for work, he being the unlucky guy stuck working on a Saturday.

“You okay?” Patton asked. “You look about to faint.”

“I’m not going to faint,” Logan said, hoping to easy some of Patton’s worry. That didn’t seem to work.

“What’s wrong?” Patton sat down right beside him. Logan switched his phone screen off and set it on the bed. He sighed.

“My mom showed up at work yesterday.”

Patton raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“I was ignoring mother’s calls and texts. Apparently, she drove all the way here to just lecture me for ignoring her.” Patton remained silent, patiently listening. “I told her I didn’t want to see her for a while. She texted me freaking out all last night and this morning. No surprise, but-“ Logan found he was choking on his voice. “I want to be a supportive friend for Virgil, but I feel like I’m falling apart myself right now,” he admitted. “And I don’t like that feeling much.”

Patton reached and gently slipped Logan’s phone from his hands. “Can I read the messages?”

Logan shrugged. “I don’t care. But what good will it do?”

Patton did just that and listened to each voice call. He played them over several times, as if trying to soak in every word. Then read through the texts again and again. A frown remained on his face the entire time. Finally he pressed the off button and set the phone down.

“Your mother… is a real…” Patton coughed. “I don’t want to be rude, but, moms shouldn’t-“ Patton was getting choked up and Logan tensed. He didn’t know what he’d do if Patton started crying. He wasn’t good with that sort of thing. “Moms shouldn’t _be_ like that.” He pressed his thumb and index finger into his eyes and his shoulders shook like a child’s do before they’ve begun to cry.

“Oh no, don’t, don’t cry, Patton, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Logan said desperately, but to no avail. Tears slipped down Patton’s cheeks and his shoulders continued to shake. Surprisingly, Patton cried silently, one arm around himself, as if he was drawing comfort from his own body.

Logan, with shaking hands, touched Patton’s back and then began to pat gently, as he’d seen Patton do many times to many other students. It… for lack of any better word Logan could think of, _sucked_ that Patton, who so easily could give comfort, could only receive it from someone like Logan, who was terrible with feelings.

Finally, Patton lifted his head and brushed the damp hair from his face and smiled at Logan, but it didn’t look quite right on Patton’s flushed face, with tear streaks down his face. “It’s not your fault, Logan.” Logan’s patting had stilled, but his hand remained, still yet shaking slightly; yet he felt it would be rude to remove it. “Parents are a touchy thing for me. Perhaps I’m too… concerned with people sometimes. But I can only… picture how you would feel receiving those messages and it hurts that you’d have to hurt like that.”

For the millionth time since Logan had met Patton, he thought once again, _he is too good._

“It didn’t hurt much,” Logan lied. “I really don’t care. I don’t care about anything, really.”

Patton looked long and hard at him. Then, “You don’t like to care. But I know you do. You feel uncomfortable caring, but… Logan, don’t lie to yourself and say you don’t.”

Logan took a long and shaky sigh. “You’re going to be a good dad someday. Is it weird to say that?

“Maybe,” Patton said smiling, “but who cares? No one is here to judge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologise for this late update. I realise it's written a tad bit awkwardly and perhaps not so well. I said in my last update that I'm having a hard time and welp... yeah. Still happening. :P Things are so stressful at the moment and I feel almost as if it won't end. I'm trying to keep on writing, though. I am. But updates will likely not be as often. I'm so sorry. :/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter...

**Sunday, December 25 th 2016 | Christmas**

Some time around 3 in the morning, Logan startled awake in the dark. The dorm was silent, minus the steady breathing from Patton's bed. Logan sat up, slightly confused on when and how he fell asleep. He reached over and grabbed his phone.

**6 new messages!**

**Roman (4:11pm):** hot topic and i r in dire need of ice cream. We'll be back late! :D

 **Virgil (7:09pm):** Go-carting is kind of fun? We got ice-cream too. I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. Things r kinda heavy rn and I'm having trouble dealing with it.

 **Virgil (7:22am):** Check out Princey's ridiculous ice cream concoction from earlier.

**[Image received]**

**Father (12:04am):** Call me. You and I need to talk.

 **Patton (1:22am):** working late because of holiday rush! Won't be back until 4. :)

 **Father (2:22am):** If you don't respond, I will drive down tonight. You've upset your mother.

Logan blinked and shone the light of his phone to Patton's bed. Virgil apparently had crashed when he got back. Logan looked back to his phone and carefully opened up the conversation with his father.

 **Logan (3:33am):** I'd rather not call at this point in time. You will only yell at me.

 **Father (3:37am):** I'd be perfectly justified if I did yell, young man.

 **Logan (3:38am):** I'm not switching schools. I'm not coming home for Christmas. I don't care if you and mom don't give me money. I don't want to call you, I don't want to text you, or speak to you in person. Perhaps within a reasonable time span, I will wish to speak with you, but for now, I need my space to figure out my life without you and mom hovering in and trying to live my life for me. I'm happy, I have met friends, and I have realized exactly how much you and mother detest me; I'm okay with it. Please don't contact me or try to come see me. If you do, I will look into getting a restraining order. Merry Christmas to the both of you and I wish you two the best. I honestly do.

Logan hit send, switched off his phone and promptly fell back asleep.

_*_

“Merry Christmas!” someone shouted. Logan jerked awake at the noise and blinked away the bleariness in his eyes to see Patton with his usual cardigan over his shoulders, but in place of his usual blue shirt, he wore a polo with little candy canes over a green background. Patton was really trying to wake Virgil up, but Patton had never been quiet and anyone who could sleep through it was either deaf or exceptionally talented.

“Ugh, why are you so loud?” Virgil groaned as Logan began to sit up, watching the scene unfold.

“It's Christmas!” Patton said excitedly, sounding much like a young child on Christmas morning.

“I hadn't noticed,” Virgil commented dryly. “Why can't I sleep for an hour longer?” but Virgil was already getting up and grabbing clothes to wear.

“Because then you'd never get up,” Patton said lightly, but something in Patton's face told Logan that he genuinely was concerned that such a thing might be a possibility.

“Ugh,” was all Virgil said before he took off to get dressed.

It seemed, to Logan, quite fit that it finally began to snow, and quite hard at that, that day. The three dressed warm and for once, Virgil's hoodie didn't seem too unreasonable. The three bundled up in the car, along with Roman, who Virgil decided he wanted to tag along. Despite Virgil's desire for Roman's presence, he groaned the entire time about Roman's white pants (Virgil was convinced he'd worn them just to antagonize him), and Roman's choice of music (this time the Mary Poppins soundtrack).

They stopped at a store and with a lot of bickering and struggling, they bought four big sleds, which barely fit in the trunk of Patton's car. Then Roman insisted they get hot chocolate. Four purchased cups of hot chocolate later, the four sat in the car, sipping the drinks.

“Mm. Hot chocolate makes everything better,” Roman said.

“How?” Logan asked.

Roman looked up, as if the questions somehow startled him. Then his face softened. “My mom used to make hot chocolate whenever things got rough. It doesn't fix anything, but it makes things feel better.”

Logan understood that logic and took another sip, feeling the warmth traveling down his throat. Patton drove for what felt like a half hour until they reached a park. Patton parked the car and excitedly ordered the other three to each grab their sleds and follow him.

They walked down a snowy path, while more snow beat down on them, until they finally reached a huge hill, which Patton told them they needed to climb. With quite a bit of groaning and complaining (mostly from Virgil), the four trudged up the long hill, while Patton kept repeating, “This is gonna be worth it! I promise!”

When the reached the top, Roman did a stupid victory dance, while Virgil collapsed in the snow, groaning dramatically.

“So, how do you actually sled?” Roman asked. Patton's mouth dropped. “What? I lived in a city where it never snowed,” Roman defended.

“It's pretty easy,” Patton said. “Sit down.” Roman sat down in the blue sled, perfectly positioned near the slope of the hill. “Hold this rope. If you jerk it to one side, it will kind of turn. But it doesn't work too well, so you'll just go straight if possible.” Roman grabbed the rope. “Ready?” Patton asked.

Roman gave a thumbs up and with that, Patton sent him flying down the hill with a forceful shove to the back of the plastic sled. Roman screamed giddily the entire way down. Virgil watched, eyes wide.

“That's a steep drop.”

“Not really,” Logan said. “In fact, it's really not steep at all.”

Virgil glared. “It looks pretty steep to me.” Logan recognized the familiar sound of anxiety in Virgil's voice and put his hands up in surrender.

“It's all right to be afraid,” Patton said, resting a gentle hand to Virgil's shoulder. “But I promise, it's so much fun.”

With no more protesting, Virgil sat down and Patton sent him down, Virgil's eyes screwed shut. Then, Patton looked to Logan quite seriously.

“Your turn.”

Logan swallowed. “I'm not much of a sledding person.”

“When's the last time you sled?”

“Uhm...” Logan desperately searched for a lie, to no avail. “Never?”

Patton smiled. “C'mon Logan, it's fun.”

Logan watched Roman run to where Virgil had stopped at the bottom. The two high-fived and began trudging up the hill again, bringing their sleds along. “I'm not good at having fun.”

“That's not true. You just don't let yourself have fun.”

Logan sighed deeply. “Fine.”

“Yeah! Go Logan!” Patton said excitedly, patting the seat. Logan sat down and gripped the rope tightly. “Ready” Patton asked.

“I suppose so.”

Logan heard the snow crunch as Patton stepped forward and shoved the sled. Then there was a little _whoosh_ of the wind and Logan began the descent. The wind and snow slapped against his face and the speed made his heart race. He watched the bottom grow closer to him, his heart continuing its steady, quickened rhythm. He didn't mind the feeling, really. In fact, he kind of liked it.

His sled fell to a halt and he smiled, picked up his sled, and began walking back up. At the top, everyone wanted to high-five him. And the four kept going down and walking up again, exchanging enthusiastic high-fives each time until they were nearly crawling in exhaustion.

Then the four drove down to the nearest pizza place, ordered an extra large pizza and cheese sticks, and drove back to the park where they sat under a picnic shelter. It was freezing cold, but despite that, they laughed and ate, chatting happily, cheeks red and flushed.

“I'm glad I met you guys,” Roman said after finishing his fourth slice. “I really do. You're awesome.”

“I don't really think we're anything deserving of awe,” Logan said, “but I'm glad we've all met as well. You're all... good company.” And that really was the best Logan could do.

Patton was grinning so much and tears were gathering in his eyes. “I love you guys so much.” Logan stiffened at the words.

“Back atchya,” Virgil mumbled.

“Ditto,” Roman said.

“I do as well,” Logan began, swallowing down the weird choking feeling in his throat, “share such affectionate feelings.”

Patton looked proud, Roman and Virgil happy, and really, Logan had never experienced a better Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is here that this story comes to a close. I do plan to keep on writing this universe, so do not fret, friends! :)
> 
> This really feels like such an accomplishment. I've adored writing all 14k+ words of this and I appreciate all who have supported me as I have done so. This fic has come to mean so much to me. 
> 
> I thank Thomas Sanders for providing such wonderful and fun characters and being so supportive and wonderful to his fans. 
> 
> I'm a little too emotional about this. Whatever; it's great. :)
> 
> God bless, everyone. Thank you all, again, for being so wonderful. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Advice? How can I improve? Let me know! :)


End file.
